Website contents is written by George Hartwell M.Sc. a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and over 40 years experience.
Borderline Personality
If you or your spouse is dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it can feel overwhelming and isolating. As a professional Christian psychotherapist, I specialize in helping individuals with BPD by addressing the root causes of their personality issues through trauma healing and an internal family systems approach. For spouses, I provide guidance to help identify the extent of the condition and offer strategies to cope effectively and supportively.
Borderline Personality Disorder often manifests as a struggle with emotional regulation and maintaining stable relationships. Individuals with BPD may feel out of control, leading to behaviors that can strain their relationships. However, unlike a psychopath, a person with BPD does not act with malicious intent. Their actions are often driven by deep-seated insecurities and attachment issues formed early in life.
Through our therapeutic work, we aim to heal these early traumas and foster a more secure emotional core. Whether you are experiencing BPD yourself or are married to someone who is, I am here to provide the support and tools needed to navigate these challenges with compassion and understanding.
Need Immediate help then phone or text me at (416) 939-0544.
Need to know the fees? My professional fee is $160.00 for a hour of session.
Want to know about insurance coverage in Ontario? I am a registered psychotherapist in Ontario and I will issue a receipt
indicating the service is psychotherapy from a registered psychotherapist. (Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.)
Borderline Personality
When I think of Borderline Personality, I think of someone who is often out of control and often destroying the relationships around them. However, not with the evil intent of a psychopath.
Inside the Borderline is a person who does not feel secure in emotional/social relationships and does not have a lot of control over their own behaviour. This is rooted in very early bonding issues and attachment styles.
Borderline does not seem to have a mature conscience, good self-control, little capacity for bonding, minimal empathy and is very insecure around issues of rejection and abandonment. This often gets expressed in anger, rages and impulsive behaviour and abandonment of loved ones, marital partners, family, etc. However, this is often simply because they are out of control of their emotions and lacking in self-control.
The reason, from my model of the person, is a crippled emotional core. That core is developed through love and the capacity to receive and give love is established in bonding experiences within the first year.
From the point of view of a Biblical model of the person, this crippled emotional core is the human spirit. Luke's account details the early life of Jesus and John the baptist and that of their mothers. Of John the Baptist, Luke says, 'And the child grew and became strong in spirit.' Luke 1:80. Psychology lacks a good term to organize the information about bonding and the relationship between attachment style and later life and personality.
The human spirit has not grown out of early childhood due to a collapse of bonding and attachment to the parents. The capacity to bond is broken and the ability to feel, receive and maintain the feeling of being loved is also broken. As a result the spirit is not nurtured. Without that nurture, emotional maturity fails to arrive.
which is the human spirit. The human spirit has not grown out of early childhood due to a collapse of bonding and attachment to the parents. The capacity to bond is broken and the ability to feel, receive and maintain the feeling of being loved is also broken. As a result the spirit is not nurtured and emotional maturity fails to arrive.
Borderline Personality
If you or your spouse is dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), it can feel overwhelming and isolating. As a professional Christian psychotherapist, I specialize in helping individuals with BPD by addressing the root causes of their personality issues through trauma healing and an internal family systems approach. For spouses, I provide guidance to help identify the extent of the condition and offer strategies to cope effectively and supportively.
Borderline Personality Disorder often manifests as a struggle with emotional regulation and maintaining stable relationships. Individuals with BPD may feel out of control, leading to behaviors that can strain their relationships. However, unlike a psychopath, a person with BPD does not act with malicious intent. Their actions are often driven by deep-seated insecurities and attachment issues formed early in life.
Through our therapeutic work, we aim to heal these early traumas and foster a more secure emotional core. Whether you are experiencing BPD yourself or are married to someone who is, I am here to provide the support and tools needed to navigate these challenges with compassion and understanding.
Need Immediate help then phone or text me at (416) 939-0544.
Need to know the fees? My professional fee is $160.00 for a hour of session.
Want to know about insurance coverage in Ontario? I am a registered psychotherapist in Ontario and I will issue a receipt
indicating the service is psychotherapy from a registered psychotherapist. (Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.)
Borderline Personality
When I think of Borderline Personality, I think of someone who is often out of control and often destroying the relationships around them. However, not with the evil intent of a psychopath.
Inside the Borderline is a person who does not feel secure in emotional/social relationships and does not have a lot of control over their own behaviour. This is rooted in very early bonding issues and attachment styles.
Borderline does not seem to have a mature conscience, good self-control, little capacity for bonding, minimal empathy and is very insecure around issues of rejection and abandonment. This often gets expressed in anger, rages and impulsive behaviour and abandonment of loved ones, marital partners, family, etc. However, this is often simply because they are out of control of their emotions and lacking in self-control.
The reason, from my model of the person, is a crippled emotional core. That core is developed through love and the capacity to receive and give love is established in bonding experiences within the first year.
From the point of view of a Biblical model of the person, this crippled emotional core is the human spirit. Luke's account details the early life of Jesus and John the baptist and that of their mothers. Of John the Baptist, Luke says, 'And the child grew and became strong in spirit.' Luke 1:80. Psychology lacks a good term to organize the information about bonding and the relationship between attachment style and later life and personality.
The human spirit has not grown out of early childhood due to a collapse of bonding and attachment to the parents. The capacity to bond is broken and the ability to feel, receive and maintain the feeling of being loved is also broken. As a result the spirit is not nurtured. Without that nurture, emotional maturity fails to arrive.
which is the human spirit. The human spirit has not grown out of early childhood due to a collapse of bonding and attachment to the parents. The capacity to bond is broken and the ability to feel, receive and maintain the feeling of being loved is also broken. As a result the spirit is not nurtured and emotional maturity fails to arrive.
The Bipolar Personality Style
The bipolar person is often depressed and then sometimes in a manic state. We accept the depressed state as normal. It is often the manic state that causes trouble and we want to treat. However, the bipolar person often enjoys the manic state of excitement, energy and creativity and is very resistive to attempts of treat or control him or her.
Think of Eric Berne's theory of Parent, Adult and Child ego states. The inner Parent is enhanced to take care of other people, but also directed internally at the inner Child so as to suppress and keep down the demands of the Inner Child. The person acts responsible - takes care of others and keep family and organization together.
The fatal flaw is lack of self-care. The inner Child is kept down, kept silent and sent shaming messages. I call this internal child abuse. This inner child is depressed and suppressed, except when it runs away from it all and has fun. This is like a prison breakout. The child runs away from the abuse and control and goes into rebellion.
In the escaped state the child is expressive, energetic, creative, spiritual, loving, impulsive and definately NOT responsible, much to everyone's disappointment. So child gets shut down and pushed back into his or her cage. The child gets 'cured' by being put back into the depressed state. That is the circus as I see it.
The bipolar person is often depressed and then sometimes in a manic state. We accept the depressed state as normal. It is often the manic state that causes trouble and we want to treat. However, the bipolar person often enjoys the manic state of excitement, energy and creativity and is very resistive to attempts of treat or control him or her.
Think of Eric Berne's theory of Parent, Adult and Child ego states. The inner Parent is enhanced to take care of other people, but also directed internally at the inner Child so as to suppress and keep down the demands of the Inner Child. The person acts responsible - takes care of others and keep family and organization together.
The fatal flaw is lack of self-care. The inner Child is kept down, kept silent and sent shaming messages. I call this internal child abuse. This inner child is depressed and suppressed, except when it runs away from it all and has fun. This is like a prison breakout. The child runs away from the abuse and control and goes into rebellion.
In the escaped state the child is expressive, energetic, creative, spiritual, loving, impulsive and definately NOT responsible, much to everyone's disappointment. So child gets shut down and pushed back into his or her cage. The child gets 'cured' by being put back into the depressed state. That is the circus as I see it.
Question: Do people with multiple personality disorders have multiple consciousness?
Answer: George Hartwell, 40 years experience as a Christian counsellor / prayer therapist
The simple clear answer is yes. The reason this is (or was) called multiple personality is that the parts (personalities, entities) in the person function independently with separate thinking, attitudes, memory and also physiology.
The simple way to understand this is to accept that essentially we are spiritual beings who engage a physical body but have an real self or ego that is separate from the body.
Think about an 'alcoholic blackout.' The person during the blackout is functioning as a person but often with a personality (attitude, thinking, behaviour and spirit) different from the person who was there before the blackout and who came back after the blackout. The entity who operates during the blackout may be mean and evil, while the human who is normally present is much different and shocked by what 'demon alcohol' did during the blackout. The normal person does not remember what happened. This is likely because this is not their normal ego or self.
When during a trauma the multiple personality splits into different personalities and one may end up with completely separate personalities - some hidden that are carrying the pain and some carrying on to function without the capacities, memories and feelings of the other parts. It is as if splitting the person creates multiple persons. Perhaps each captures some part of the original person and runs with the result - as a fully functioning but separate person. Therefore, yes, separate consciousness. Separate memories. Separate lives. Separate selves.
However it is possible that the different personalities can get along and learn to function together as a team. That, too, happens. They may communicate with one another and cooperate in the best way possible.
I am answering from my own model of the human person, based on my own perspective and experience, which I offer as another perspective on the elephant in the room. Offered always in my humble opinion.
Answer: George Hartwell, 40 years experience as a Christian counsellor / prayer therapist
The simple clear answer is yes. The reason this is (or was) called multiple personality is that the parts (personalities, entities) in the person function independently with separate thinking, attitudes, memory and also physiology.
The simple way to understand this is to accept that essentially we are spiritual beings who engage a physical body but have an real self or ego that is separate from the body.
Think about an 'alcoholic blackout.' The person during the blackout is functioning as a person but often with a personality (attitude, thinking, behaviour and spirit) different from the person who was there before the blackout and who came back after the blackout. The entity who operates during the blackout may be mean and evil, while the human who is normally present is much different and shocked by what 'demon alcohol' did during the blackout. The normal person does not remember what happened. This is likely because this is not their normal ego or self.
When during a trauma the multiple personality splits into different personalities and one may end up with completely separate personalities - some hidden that are carrying the pain and some carrying on to function without the capacities, memories and feelings of the other parts. It is as if splitting the person creates multiple persons. Perhaps each captures some part of the original person and runs with the result - as a fully functioning but separate person. Therefore, yes, separate consciousness. Separate memories. Separate lives. Separate selves.
However it is possible that the different personalities can get along and learn to function together as a team. That, too, happens. They may communicate with one another and cooperate in the best way possible.
I am answering from my own model of the human person, based on my own perspective and experience, which I offer as another perspective on the elephant in the room. Offered always in my humble opinion.
Question: Why do I always feel like a part of me is missing (I am in depression)?
Answer: Mar 13, 2017. by George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice.
What is missing – or in any event appears to be missing, is your I , because it is covered up with, and hidden by, what contemporary people call and in fact is something called personality.’
Yes, there is more to us than our personality. Our authentic self - our ‘I’ - is often buried under the demands to be our personality. In fact, the personality may be the ‘self’ that Jesus said needed to die.
When self dies, or goes crash in a ‘nervous breakdown,’ the authentic ‘I’ can emerge.
In most cases, in the best cases it can emerge but then there are those for whom the authentic ‘I’ is missing. This may be what you feel when you say that you feel like a part of you is missing. Others may just say, ‘I feel like something is missing in my life.’
If the authentic you is really missing in action then a few of these will feel true:
Answer: Mar 13, 2017. by George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice.
What is missing – or in any event appears to be missing, is your I , because it is covered up with, and hidden by, what contemporary people call and in fact is something called personality.’
Yes, there is more to us than our personality. Our authentic self - our ‘I’ - is often buried under the demands to be our personality. In fact, the personality may be the ‘self’ that Jesus said needed to die.
When self dies, or goes crash in a ‘nervous breakdown,’ the authentic ‘I’ can emerge.
In most cases, in the best cases it can emerge but then there are those for whom the authentic ‘I’ is missing. This may be what you feel when you say that you feel like a part of you is missing. Others may just say, ‘I feel like something is missing in my life.’
If the authentic you is really missing in action then a few of these will feel true:
- You will feel a glass wall between you and others, a separation.
- You will have trouble developing authentic love relationship and maintaining them.
- You may have trouble experiencing or sustaining the experience of joy or love - the transcendent feelings.
- You may have trouble experiencing or sustaining the experience of closeness or communion with God - the transcendent experience of God’s presence.
- You may have trouble tapping into intuition, creativity, the flow of life.
- You may feel like an orphan in terms of your bonding with people. You could walk away from a love relationship without much difficulty.
- You may have difficulty in social relationships or scoring as the most emotionally intelligent one around.
What does a mental breakdown look like?
George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice.
Answered May 18, 2016
I write about a “nervous breakdown” as a potentially positive experience under some circumstances. It is positive if it represents a disintegration leading to a new integration.
The experience of this kind of mental breakdown may include lots of fear, anxiety and insecurity. There can be confusion and especially identity confusion.
Your consistent patterns begin to change. People may be confused, angry or disappointed in you because of these changes. For example, you may not be so completely nice and focused on others. You start asserting yourself and doing things for yourself.
The patterns that breakdown are typically two. One is the People Pleaser who is always trying to be good, nice and focused on pleasing others. The other pattern is the Super-Responsible person who is often there for others, rescuing, caretaking, helping keeping things running.
After the ‘breakdown’ period the People Pleaser just does not care as much with pleasing people. After the successful ‘breakdown’ the Super-Responsible person does not destroy themselves in rescue operations and care-taking everyone.
Google the topic ‘nervous breakdown’ and you will find more detail that I have written on this.
George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice.
Answered May 18, 2016
I write about a “nervous breakdown” as a potentially positive experience under some circumstances. It is positive if it represents a disintegration leading to a new integration.
The experience of this kind of mental breakdown may include lots of fear, anxiety and insecurity. There can be confusion and especially identity confusion.
Your consistent patterns begin to change. People may be confused, angry or disappointed in you because of these changes. For example, you may not be so completely nice and focused on others. You start asserting yourself and doing things for yourself.
The patterns that breakdown are typically two. One is the People Pleaser who is always trying to be good, nice and focused on pleasing others. The other pattern is the Super-Responsible person who is often there for others, rescuing, caretaking, helping keeping things running.
After the ‘breakdown’ period the People Pleaser just does not care as much with pleasing people. After the successful ‘breakdown’ the Super-Responsible person does not destroy themselves in rescue operations and care-taking everyone.
Google the topic ‘nervous breakdown’ and you will find more detail that I have written on this.
Question on Quora: When talking to someone else, what are some signs that you're talking to someone with depression?
Answer Jun 5, 2016 by George Hartwell masters degree in psychology, professional therapist.
Depression is not always easy to discern, even for medical doctors, because not everyone has the problems with sleeping at night (associated with low melatonin) or trouble getting moving in the day. Some people do not show these classical signs because they are highly driven people with a strong will-power and they can just keep going.
At the core of depression is not so much mood as energy. When depression is a serious issue it is not about sadness and grief as it is about depletion of core energy. Core energy is what you need to live: making choices, meeting people, exerting your will and so on.
Without this life energy your will is weaker and it is harder to 'make yourself' get up. When life energy is low it is noticeably draining to be emotional or be around people. The depressed person has a limited budget of life energy for the day’s activities.
Depressed people may have to limit their goals for daily production because they do not have the energy to accomplish as much as they would like. It is like hoping to make a long trip but you only have so much gas in the car and you have no more resources to buy more. You are forced to make difficult decisions.
You might compare it to have a flu or cold and the body is fighting with the virus. Meantime you have very little energy to do other things. That is why you advice sick people to go to bed - to conserve needed energy for the immune system.
So the main sign to look for in the depressed person is this lack of energy and the frustration it is causing them and others. Underneath they feel depleted.
Answer Jun 5, 2016 by George Hartwell masters degree in psychology, professional therapist.
Depression is not always easy to discern, even for medical doctors, because not everyone has the problems with sleeping at night (associated with low melatonin) or trouble getting moving in the day. Some people do not show these classical signs because they are highly driven people with a strong will-power and they can just keep going.
At the core of depression is not so much mood as energy. When depression is a serious issue it is not about sadness and grief as it is about depletion of core energy. Core energy is what you need to live: making choices, meeting people, exerting your will and so on.
Without this life energy your will is weaker and it is harder to 'make yourself' get up. When life energy is low it is noticeably draining to be emotional or be around people. The depressed person has a limited budget of life energy for the day’s activities.
Depressed people may have to limit their goals for daily production because they do not have the energy to accomplish as much as they would like. It is like hoping to make a long trip but you only have so much gas in the car and you have no more resources to buy more. You are forced to make difficult decisions.
You might compare it to have a flu or cold and the body is fighting with the virus. Meantime you have very little energy to do other things. That is why you advice sick people to go to bed - to conserve needed energy for the immune system.
So the main sign to look for in the depressed person is this lack of energy and the frustration it is causing them and others. Underneath they feel depleted.
Question: Does something cause a person to become a psychopath, or are they just born that way?
Answer: George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice. Answered Apr 17, 2016
As a therapist my focus is on personality variables based on a person's upbringing. In order to answer as a Christian therapist I need to add another term into our understanding of the person, or, in fact, I will use three terms: the Rational Brain - conscious verbal intellect, the Emotional Brain meaning the source of our decisions based on past social-emotional experience and the human spirit which one could call the Intuitive Brain.
No one understands the role of the human spirit but doing so is essential for understanding the Psychopath. The human spirit makes us human and without it we are more like an animal.
The human spirit needs to mature and it can only do so through consistent love received through consistent trust channels called in Psychological research bonding or attachment. more than half of us have damaged bonding and a crippled ability to love and bond to others.
Psychopaths, and likely Borderlines, have the most extreme wounding in the area of bonding and attachment. Their ability to receive love is broken. Their ability to hold and maintain the trust in the love they receive is broken. Therefore, their human spirit has not been nurtured and has not grown. leaving a deep emotional immaturity.
The less loving, nurturing human contact from mother, father, family and village, the less healthy attachment, the less love retained, the less emotional growth of the emotional core (human spirit) the less there is adult empathy, compassion, morality and the more risk of evil, cruel behaviour without conscience.
Psychopaths are very immature infants (emotionally) with little or no adult conscience (which is rooted in empathy) because they are incapable of it. Their rational brain can be brilliant which makes them very dangerous when linked to no empathy or mature conscience.
This is my humble attempt to explain psychopathy within this model of personality. Let me know if you have any questions. In this view bonding is the core area lacking in the childhood of the psychopath.
Answer: George Hartwell, 40 + years working in mental health primarily as therapist in private practice. Answered Apr 17, 2016
As a therapist my focus is on personality variables based on a person's upbringing. In order to answer as a Christian therapist I need to add another term into our understanding of the person, or, in fact, I will use three terms: the Rational Brain - conscious verbal intellect, the Emotional Brain meaning the source of our decisions based on past social-emotional experience and the human spirit which one could call the Intuitive Brain.
No one understands the role of the human spirit but doing so is essential for understanding the Psychopath. The human spirit makes us human and without it we are more like an animal.
The human spirit needs to mature and it can only do so through consistent love received through consistent trust channels called in Psychological research bonding or attachment. more than half of us have damaged bonding and a crippled ability to love and bond to others.
Psychopaths, and likely Borderlines, have the most extreme wounding in the area of bonding and attachment. Their ability to receive love is broken. Their ability to hold and maintain the trust in the love they receive is broken. Therefore, their human spirit has not been nurtured and has not grown. leaving a deep emotional immaturity.
The less loving, nurturing human contact from mother, father, family and village, the less healthy attachment, the less love retained, the less emotional growth of the emotional core (human spirit) the less there is adult empathy, compassion, morality and the more risk of evil, cruel behaviour without conscience.
Psychopaths are very immature infants (emotionally) with little or no adult conscience (which is rooted in empathy) because they are incapable of it. Their rational brain can be brilliant which makes them very dangerous when linked to no empathy or mature conscience.
This is my humble attempt to explain psychopathy within this model of personality. Let me know if you have any questions. In this view bonding is the core area lacking in the childhood of the psychopath.
Professional fee per hour session is $160.00 (2024 - subject to change) and payment is due at the end of your appointment. Payment by e-transfers to [email protected] or PayPal. A receipt is issued.