Nervous Breakdown is written by George Hartwell M.Sc. - a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and 40 years experience.
Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.
Phone (416) 939-0544 to receive a free 15 minute consult to see if I am a good fit for you.
My fee schedule is $150 per hour. Payment is by bank transfer or PayPal transfer.
There is a money-back guarantee. If, in the first session, you decide this is not a good fit for you, we will stop the session and cancel any payment due. I want this to work for you and for me.
Note: This perspective does not apply to every nervous breakdown, nor is it meant to minimize the emotional pain, confusion and disorientation of those going through a mental breakdown. However, this perspective does offer a helpful perspective to some people. It gives them a reason for the pain and provides hope that a positive outcome is possible when it feels like a nervous breakdown. It can be normal and healthy to go through disintegration of a Personality Pattern leading to Positive Integration. However, most of us do not know we are trapped in our own Personality Pattern.
An observation from child development is that periods of stability and integration alternate with periods of instability and disintegration. In the early years this seems to happen every year: 6 months of stability and then 6 months of instability. Integration alternating with disintegration. My these is that this can happen in a fairly dramatic way in adulthood.
Dabrowski was the first to observe that adults also experience periods of instability and disintegration in their pattern of character or personality development. He suggested that such periods are not always negative because they can lead to higher levels of integration. When higher integration followed a time of instability he called the time of instability 'Positive Disintegration.'
I am in agreement with Dabrowski that there are periods of disintegration in adults - times that feel like a 'nervous breakdown' - and that such times can resolve in a positive way into a higher integration. I use the lay term 'nervous breakdown' for the periods of disintegration that lead to higher integration. That is why I use the term 'Positive Nervous Breakdown.'
I am very familiar with two significant character or personality patterns that go through this process. These are both patterns identified by John and Paula Sandford in their book, Transformation of the Inner Man. You may know them as People Pleasing and Codependency.
The two patterns to watch are Performance Orientation (People Pleasing) and Parental Inversion (Super-Responsible or codependent). I have observed that these patterns are functional for long periods but there can come a time when these shifts. They become unstable. The organism needs to grow beyond the limitations in these patterns. A Life Transformation therapist is able to facilitate this transition in a safe orderly way. Alternately life itself arranges for this transition wether one is ready or not.
These are the times when a person comes to me feeling like they are going through a nervous breakdown. What is happening is that these character patterns have begun to undergo spontaneous disintegration. The old pattern is disintegrating and, if all is well, it will be replaced with a new more functional and authentic pattern. During the breakdown of the old the person will feel that they are going through a nervous breakdown. They feel anxious, confused and disoriented.
At the same time they may be expressing a side of themselves that seems alien to others. I would suggest that these expressions are indications of a new different, and perhaps more authentic self emerging.
Some people find this perspective helpful, comforting. For example, "Dear George, I have had the most distressing time coming through what I feel has been a nervous breakdown. I have not had the insight before that your website has brought me. It has been very encouraging. For the first time, I can see why I am this way, and understand myself."
I have written about this before: In Nervous Breakdown as Positive Breakdown I wrote, 'It is clear to me the 'something' that is breaking down in a 'nervous breakdown' is a dysfunctional personality pattern. This pattern no longer works. The person's inner self - the human spirit - will no longer sustain it. It has not being working and it is time to let go and find something better.'
My definition of a Nervous breakdown is a time of deep painful identity transformation. There is anxiety and confusion because of the personality disintegration. The fear is the loss of identity.
However, one must move through personality breakdown so that a healthy identity can emerge. This new identity will be healthier and better reflect the core self, our inner soul or spirit.
Positive emotional growth requires that we shed old personality patterns. The old must die so the new can come. Just as there is a time for the snake to shed its skin; there are times for identity transformation. While medical doctors whine that "nerves don't breakdown," I know this: often a 'nervous breakdown' is a significant life crisis, a transition time, an opportunity to leave behind the old and discover the new or, if not new, perhaps, the real core identity - the real more natural you. Thus a time when a dysfunctional personality pattern is breaking down can also be a time for a new healthier personality pattern to emerge.
I am a professional registered Psychotherapist equipped with several methodologies that do work to produce lasting change in your life patterns. I am also the discoverer of the Positive Nervous Breakdown. If you have questions about this call me.
For a consultation phone me: George Hartwell (416) 939-0544 (Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Eastern Standard Time zone).
Dabrowski was the first to observe that adults also experience periods of instability and disintegration in their pattern of character or personality development. He suggested that such periods are not always negative because they can lead to higher levels of integration. When higher integration followed a time of instability he called the time of instability 'Positive Disintegration.'
I am in agreement with Dabrowski that there are periods of disintegration in adults - times that feel like a 'nervous breakdown' - and that such times can resolve in a positive way into a higher integration. I use the lay term 'nervous breakdown' for the periods of disintegration that lead to higher integration. That is why I use the term 'Positive Nervous Breakdown.'
I am very familiar with two significant character or personality patterns that go through this process. These are both patterns identified by John and Paula Sandford in their book, Transformation of the Inner Man. You may know them as People Pleasing and Codependency.
The two patterns to watch are Performance Orientation (People Pleasing) and Parental Inversion (Super-Responsible or codependent). I have observed that these patterns are functional for long periods but there can come a time when these shifts. They become unstable. The organism needs to grow beyond the limitations in these patterns. A Life Transformation therapist is able to facilitate this transition in a safe orderly way. Alternately life itself arranges for this transition wether one is ready or not.
These are the times when a person comes to me feeling like they are going through a nervous breakdown. What is happening is that these character patterns have begun to undergo spontaneous disintegration. The old pattern is disintegrating and, if all is well, it will be replaced with a new more functional and authentic pattern. During the breakdown of the old the person will feel that they are going through a nervous breakdown. They feel anxious, confused and disoriented.
At the same time they may be expressing a side of themselves that seems alien to others. I would suggest that these expressions are indications of a new different, and perhaps more authentic self emerging.
Some people find this perspective helpful, comforting. For example, "Dear George, I have had the most distressing time coming through what I feel has been a nervous breakdown. I have not had the insight before that your website has brought me. It has been very encouraging. For the first time, I can see why I am this way, and understand myself."
I have written about this before: In Nervous Breakdown as Positive Breakdown I wrote, 'It is clear to me the 'something' that is breaking down in a 'nervous breakdown' is a dysfunctional personality pattern. This pattern no longer works. The person's inner self - the human spirit - will no longer sustain it. It has not being working and it is time to let go and find something better.'
My definition of a Nervous breakdown is a time of deep painful identity transformation. There is anxiety and confusion because of the personality disintegration. The fear is the loss of identity.
However, one must move through personality breakdown so that a healthy identity can emerge. This new identity will be healthier and better reflect the core self, our inner soul or spirit.
Positive emotional growth requires that we shed old personality patterns. The old must die so the new can come. Just as there is a time for the snake to shed its skin; there are times for identity transformation. While medical doctors whine that "nerves don't breakdown," I know this: often a 'nervous breakdown' is a significant life crisis, a transition time, an opportunity to leave behind the old and discover the new or, if not new, perhaps, the real core identity - the real more natural you. Thus a time when a dysfunctional personality pattern is breaking down can also be a time for a new healthier personality pattern to emerge.
I am a professional registered Psychotherapist equipped with several methodologies that do work to produce lasting change in your life patterns. I am also the discoverer of the Positive Nervous Breakdown. If you have questions about this call me.
For a consultation phone me: George Hartwell (416) 939-0544 (Toronto, Ontario, Canada, Eastern Standard Time zone).
People Pleasers have Positive Nervous Breakdowns and so do the Codependents (Super-Responsible pattern)
In a Positive Nervous Breakdown what 2 Personality Patterns Break down?
We will look at two personality patterns that I know do experience this process.
It will give you more confidence if you can identify the pattern that is breaking down. What helps to identify a positive nervous breakdown while it is happening is to
Let’s first identify your present the old you. In childhood you consolidated into your personality pattern. It was the best way to solve you safety and love problems in childhood. One pattern is the Too Serious Kid who developed this adjustment in a family system called Parental Inversion and who, as an adult, developed the style I call the Super-Responsible.
The other pattern is the People Pleaser Personality. The People Pleaser is the Too Nice Kid who always tries to be good and get it right. The People Pleaser kid wants to please mom and dad in order to be loved. The People Pleaser kid wants to get it right and be good in order to be loved. The kid grows up into the People Pleaser adult. (Note: John and Paula Sandford used the term ‘Performance Orientation’ in their book, Transformation of the Inner Man, Logos.)
Comparing People Pleaser to the Super-Responsible
1. The People Pleaser is primarily motivated to be loved, to get love, to achieve love, to earn love, to compete for love, etc.
The Super-responsible is primarily motived to achieve peace and order. They may also be driven to help, rescue, save, support others or keeping a family, church or organization together. Rescuing is a deep mission felt in their bones.
2. The People Pleaser may come across with the submissive smile in their face. They may be always smiling because they are always trying to please those that they are with.
The Super-Responsible comes across calm, caring and eager to help. They are quick to say ’Sorry’ or feel they are responsible if anything goes wrong.
3. When criticized the People Pleaser gets defensive. Inside criticism triggers panic inner thoughts like, ‘I did something wrong,’ ‘I am bad,’ ‘I am not loved.’ These beliefs trigger a quick defensive reaction. They need to defend against really feeling these heart beliefs because they are depressing and anxiety provoking
When a Super-Responsible is criticized in the least they react. It seems they overreact to criticism. But there is a reason for that for they live with the constant criticism of their Inner Judge.
4. The People Pleaser may be passive, lack backbone and have trouble standing up and defending their loved ones. The People Pleaser position if submissive to others and passive often passive-aggressive.
The Super-Responsible is good at caring, being positive, keeping people talking so defends the unity of the family. They can be
5. The key factor in the childhood family of the People Pleaser is the lack of love, open affection, good communication, and healthy affirmation for success and praise. In this love vacuum the Inner child chooses to be less expressive of self and adopt more to the presumed requirements of the environment.
The key factor in the childhood family of the Super-Responsible is the lack of safety and order in the family. Conflict may be present, violence, verbal abuse, alcoholism, or for emotional, work or ill health one or both parents are emotionally absent or not functioning. The Inner Child chooses to be less expressive of self and to step in and fix the mess.
6. The People Pleaser may be identified by the important of how much they do, how much they accomplish and how important outward success measures are to them. Self worth and good feelings related to their achievements.
The Super-Responsible can be observed as poor at self-care. They neglect their own needs. Don’t take time for themselves. Their life is tied up in caring for others.
7. In the midst of the transition/breakdown the turning point for the People Pleasure is when they do not care as much what other people think and pleasing other people.
In the midst of the transition/breakdown the turning point for the Super-Responsible is doing some things that are fun or getting involved in some take-care-of-self activities.
8. Manipulative control of the People Pleaser is done easily through guilt. Or one can send a signal indicating that something is wrong. They feel guilty around right and wrong. Their parents may have disciplined through guilt.
Manipulation of the Super-Responsible is done by insisting that there is a need in some that demands their attention. They feel guilty about being selfish. Tell them they are being immature and selfish and they may comply with your wishes.
It will help if your mentor/counsellor is there to help identify, celebrate and affirm the signs of the new personality as it emerges. Since you will lack confidence in yourself, it will help to be in touch with someone who can support you through this time. Think of it like the the Lord is your Shepherd as you go through the valley of the shadow of death. See Psalm 23.
I believe it will help in understanding your nervous breakdown to be confident as to what pattern is yours. Asking some questions of spouse and work associates to get other input might help with this. Seeing counsellor, therapist might help as well. Try to figure things it out yourself first then go to others to confirm your judgement. People Pleasers, you need to step into thinking for yourself.
We will look at two personality patterns that I know do experience this process.
It will give you more confidence if you can identify the pattern that is breaking down. What helps to identify a positive nervous breakdown while it is happening is to
Let’s first identify your present the old you. In childhood you consolidated into your personality pattern. It was the best way to solve you safety and love problems in childhood. One pattern is the Too Serious Kid who developed this adjustment in a family system called Parental Inversion and who, as an adult, developed the style I call the Super-Responsible.
The other pattern is the People Pleaser Personality. The People Pleaser is the Too Nice Kid who always tries to be good and get it right. The People Pleaser kid wants to please mom and dad in order to be loved. The People Pleaser kid wants to get it right and be good in order to be loved. The kid grows up into the People Pleaser adult. (Note: John and Paula Sandford used the term ‘Performance Orientation’ in their book, Transformation of the Inner Man, Logos.)
Comparing People Pleaser to the Super-Responsible
1. The People Pleaser is primarily motivated to be loved, to get love, to achieve love, to earn love, to compete for love, etc.
The Super-responsible is primarily motived to achieve peace and order. They may also be driven to help, rescue, save, support others or keeping a family, church or organization together. Rescuing is a deep mission felt in their bones.
2. The People Pleaser may come across with the submissive smile in their face. They may be always smiling because they are always trying to please those that they are with.
The Super-Responsible comes across calm, caring and eager to help. They are quick to say ’Sorry’ or feel they are responsible if anything goes wrong.
3. When criticized the People Pleaser gets defensive. Inside criticism triggers panic inner thoughts like, ‘I did something wrong,’ ‘I am bad,’ ‘I am not loved.’ These beliefs trigger a quick defensive reaction. They need to defend against really feeling these heart beliefs because they are depressing and anxiety provoking
When a Super-Responsible is criticized in the least they react. It seems they overreact to criticism. But there is a reason for that for they live with the constant criticism of their Inner Judge.
4. The People Pleaser may be passive, lack backbone and have trouble standing up and defending their loved ones. The People Pleaser position if submissive to others and passive often passive-aggressive.
The Super-Responsible is good at caring, being positive, keeping people talking so defends the unity of the family. They can be
5. The key factor in the childhood family of the People Pleaser is the lack of love, open affection, good communication, and healthy affirmation for success and praise. In this love vacuum the Inner child chooses to be less expressive of self and adopt more to the presumed requirements of the environment.
The key factor in the childhood family of the Super-Responsible is the lack of safety and order in the family. Conflict may be present, violence, verbal abuse, alcoholism, or for emotional, work or ill health one or both parents are emotionally absent or not functioning. The Inner Child chooses to be less expressive of self and to step in and fix the mess.
6. The People Pleaser may be identified by the important of how much they do, how much they accomplish and how important outward success measures are to them. Self worth and good feelings related to their achievements.
The Super-Responsible can be observed as poor at self-care. They neglect their own needs. Don’t take time for themselves. Their life is tied up in caring for others.
7. In the midst of the transition/breakdown the turning point for the People Pleasure is when they do not care as much what other people think and pleasing other people.
In the midst of the transition/breakdown the turning point for the Super-Responsible is doing some things that are fun or getting involved in some take-care-of-self activities.
8. Manipulative control of the People Pleaser is done easily through guilt. Or one can send a signal indicating that something is wrong. They feel guilty around right and wrong. Their parents may have disciplined through guilt.
Manipulation of the Super-Responsible is done by insisting that there is a need in some that demands their attention. They feel guilty about being selfish. Tell them they are being immature and selfish and they may comply with your wishes.
It will help if your mentor/counsellor is there to help identify, celebrate and affirm the signs of the new personality as it emerges. Since you will lack confidence in yourself, it will help to be in touch with someone who can support you through this time. Think of it like the the Lord is your Shepherd as you go through the valley of the shadow of death. See Psalm 23.
I believe it will help in understanding your nervous breakdown to be confident as to what pattern is yours. Asking some questions of spouse and work associates to get other input might help with this. Seeing counsellor, therapist might help as well. Try to figure things it out yourself first then go to others to confirm your judgement. People Pleasers, you need to step into thinking for yourself.
Does Everyone have a Mental Breakdown?
We all have times of extreme emotional stress when we could benefit from professional care. Yes everyone.
Not everyone has what I call in my writings the Positive Breakdown.
The Positive Breakdown is painful but there is an purpose for the pain and a benefit to be gained. One feels anxious, emotional and confused in the process. But it is a process with a purpose.
If it is a Positive Breakdown then it is the disintegration of an old style of being making way for a new you. Sorry if that sounds a little strange. I am, after all, a therapist trained in Psychology with a focus on life transformation.
Children go through the disintegration of one level of adjustment and the integration of a higher level almost every year in the early years. However, with adults it is less frequent.
There are major adjustment patterns in adults, however, they can ‘grow old’ and dysfunctional. Two examples of these patterns is People Pleasing and Super Responsible (codependent).
When the disintegration begin to happen is can be very disorientating. It is frightening. But is can give a new lease on life. Not everyone will experience this and it does not always have the positive outcome I am talking about. But even in small ways everyone can have spontaneous positive breakdowns - shifts in our functioning and in our underlying core beliefs.
Nervous breakdown is written by George Hartwell M.Sc. a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and 40 years experience.
Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.
Phone (416) 939-0544 to set up your first session to see if I am a good fit for you.
If, in the first session, you decide this is not a good fit for you, we will stop the session and cancel any payment due. I want this to work for you and for me.
My fee schedule is $150 per hour. Payment is by bank transfer or PayPal transfer.
There is also a fee for missed or late cancellation of appointments.
All appointments are distance-based: phone, Zoom, FaceTime or Skype.
We all have times of extreme emotional stress when we could benefit from professional care. Yes everyone.
Not everyone has what I call in my writings the Positive Breakdown.
The Positive Breakdown is painful but there is an purpose for the pain and a benefit to be gained. One feels anxious, emotional and confused in the process. But it is a process with a purpose.
If it is a Positive Breakdown then it is the disintegration of an old style of being making way for a new you. Sorry if that sounds a little strange. I am, after all, a therapist trained in Psychology with a focus on life transformation.
Children go through the disintegration of one level of adjustment and the integration of a higher level almost every year in the early years. However, with adults it is less frequent.
There are major adjustment patterns in adults, however, they can ‘grow old’ and dysfunctional. Two examples of these patterns is People Pleasing and Super Responsible (codependent).
When the disintegration begin to happen is can be very disorientating. It is frightening. But is can give a new lease on life. Not everyone will experience this and it does not always have the positive outcome I am talking about. But even in small ways everyone can have spontaneous positive breakdowns - shifts in our functioning and in our underlying core beliefs.
Nervous breakdown is written by George Hartwell M.Sc. a Christian counsellor and registered psychotherapist with a masters in clinical psychology and 40 years experience.
Sessions with George bring people to healing experiences in a loving safe environment. His reliable and innovative methods provide a compassionate focus on people's feelings, a wise understanding of their issues and psychological and faith-based solutions for change.
Phone (416) 939-0544 to set up your first session to see if I am a good fit for you.
If, in the first session, you decide this is not a good fit for you, we will stop the session and cancel any payment due. I want this to work for you and for me.
My fee schedule is $150 per hour. Payment is by bank transfer or PayPal transfer.
There is also a fee for missed or late cancellation of appointments.
All appointments are distance-based: phone, Zoom, FaceTime or Skype.