How can I control my emotions? And how can I gain emotional intelligence?
To control your emotions, don’t try to control your emotions. Such a willful emotional shut down is not a healthy way to control your emotions. It has bad side-effects. It comes at too great of a cost.
instead of direct shut-down use methods to gain self-control that are gentler and more indirect. Here are some examples:
Writing. Everyday write something about the emotions of the day. This gives you increasing understanding of your emotions. It gives you a way to express your emotions that can lead to greater self-control. It can relieve the pressure of having all those emotional issues circulating in your mind.
Feeling. Set aside a few hours to diary each and all of the feelings that you can get in touch with. Do one at a time. Write down then allow yourself a minute to feel the full intensity of this emotion. Takes some deep breathes and release that feeling. Then repeat with each feeling that surfaces as you give time for each and every feeling to surface.
Memory. Set aside some time with a journal or diary and go through your list of feelings one at a time. Take time to recall the earliest memory associated with this feeling. Write down the memory and the feelings associated with it. This help you connect your feelings with your experiences.
Emotional Intelligence. Follow the above exercises and you will be more in command of your emotions. You will be calmer, understand yourself and likely better able to connect with others. At one level that is emotional intelligence.
It was like I lived in a fog when I was young. That is how weak my sense of self was. A strong inner force worked below the surface. It tried to connect with God for the love and life I so much needed. See: