Can one develop a thriving love relationship with a partner with an Avoidant Personality Disorder?
I doubt that you can develop a thriving love relationship with a person who has Avoidant personality? This is true even if the person has the best of intentions. Why is that?
In my observations it is not the conscious self that maintains the avoidant pattern that is so destructive to loving relationships, instead it is the heart or unconscious self.
Therefore, do not put a person who has a need, interest or capability for a thriving love relationship close to an Avoidant Personality. It will not be a good match.
in my observation, the person with the Avoidant Personality is absolutely closed, at the heart level, to a love relationship. That will never change. Though, at times, it may not look that hopeless.
The Avoidant Personality may act like they want the love relationship. They may believe they want a love relationship. But if that is the case, it because they do not know their heart.
The heart of the Avoidant Personality is completely opposed to a love relationship and their heart will be thoroughly and completely effective in blocking love simply by refusing to enter into a heart-felt relationship.
The heart has reasons of its own and who can know it. But if your heart, or her heart, is really completely avoidant it will not change. You can be married for 20 years and it will not change.
Loving someone who has no intention to love you at the heart level is frustrating, depressing, discouraging, debilitating and sucks the life out of you. It is death by a thousand avoidances. It is painful. It is not good for your health.
Best, therefore, to avoid the Avoidant Person when looking for a healthy long=term relationship.
Clients describe their experiences
Katherine of Toronto, writes, 'In my childhood I was often neglected, abandoned and rejected. George helped me to understand the root of family issues after one session. He uncovered core issues that were holding me back as an adult and has given me the emotional and spiritual support to rise above the abandonment and rejection I went through as a child.'
Sasha sacrificed to get started and reports, 'I knew I was in a crisis and that I needed something more intense. I needed more time with somebody. It was very hard for me financially but I was determined because I knew I had to get here.
I've never developed compassion for myself before - learned how to do it and actually do it. I am healing a little girl in a woman's body. Even though it was a lot of work to come, I have a lot of solid resources and I discovered I had a connection with God that I never knew I had. I just feel a lot lighter. My philosophy will be to love life, be pure and have faith. '
Many people feel desperate like Gene of Toronto, Ontario who reports, "I desperately needed someone to talk with and help me work out the struggles that I was facing. George was the first therapist I had ever sat down with and with him I felt completely relaxed. His healing prayer therapy had a tremendously positive effect on my life; I literally was freed from strongholds that were at work in my life. I am very grateful to George and sincerely recommend him." (Gene experienced Gentle Deliverance)
Ken was dealing with depression. He describes our work as follows, 'I have learned to trust George and his advice. I like the fact that George is gentle (non-judgmental), realistic (practical), has empathy and gives me hope and, therefore, something to stand on and to carefully work out. George left some principles with me on getting out of depression. I came out of the depression. I am learning to accept that, as a child of God, God loves me and not to judge myself.'
Brief in depth psychotherapy is effective much quicker than normal. Elizabeth of Ontario wrote this, 'I am amazed at the results. Not only has God given me tremendous insight into my emotional scars and the lies I had believed, He has also replaced these with His truth. I have experienced phenomenal healing and am now confident that complete healing is possible in the immediate future. The added bonus is that, throughout this process, Jesus has become very real, personal and dear to me."
Listening is important in parenting - it supports a child's ability to communicate.
Listening is important in marriage - listening to and acknowledging your partner's feelings supports your partner and the bonding between you.
When your counsellor listens to you. It helps you to communicate when someone listens without an agenda. It supports your identity or identity building process. It helps you clarifying your thinking. It helps you solve problems.
The client who feels listened to feels loved. Depressed people very quickly begin to feel less depressed and more sane and confident in themselves.
A gentle, non-judgemental approach is important for someone needing to consolidate identity or needing support in a major crisis. It provides an emotional safe zone to express one thoughts and find oneself.
In couple work the counsellor uses listening skills while encouraging the couple to begin to practice listening and acknowledging one another. Once a couple has learned to acknowledge the feelings of the other there can be couple resolution of relationship trauma. This can lead to deeper bonding helping the couple to become a solid team that can tackle anything together.
Inner Healing and Depression
Inner Healing makes use of prayer therapy in dealing with personal problems. The benefit of prayer therapy is that difficult issues can sometimes be helped very quickly. Here are some reasons for the efficiency of this method:
Inner Healing for depression brings healing to the core beliefs, attitudes and perspectives that generate the state of depression and can do so rapidly, completely and permanently. This is an advance over most other therapeutic methods.
As a Christian counsellor I understand each person has heart, spirit and mind. Heart means the emotional brain - the reservoir of significant personal memories and the core beliefs formed an the basis of these experiences.
The human spirit means one's core self - the inner being that gives life and meaning to our physical life. The human spirit is our true inner being that loves and is loved, develops empathy, creativity, and is the source of intuition and inspiration.
The human mind is the more rational logical source of thinking based on verbal information. So language is necessary for the mind to think and reason. But the Heart has reason that the mind knows not of, and the Human spirit has reason that the mind knows not of. The mind is not usually directly aware of what is happening at the heart or spirit level of consciousness. The mind cannot control or easily change the core beliefs of the heart or the state of being of the spirit.
When I look at depression from the point of view of our Inner Child, I am looking at what has happened in the heart and what has impacted the human spirit. Depression is when the Inner Child feels no joy and the heart no love.
Depression is what it feels like to run out of life energy. To ‘run on empty.’ When love and life no longer flows freely to and through our spirit. If our life is like an inner candle, then depression is when our candle is flickering out. It may feel like something is trying to extinguish our life.
Links to the original HealMyLife.com
Links to Pages on original HealMyLife.com:
Agape Christian Counselling original website.
Board of Reference
Professional Observers of Inner Healing and Deliverance Retreat
1 Listening Prayer Therapy
2 Grief and Comfort
3 Anger, Hate, Forgiveness, Love
4 Recent Trauma
5 Burden Exchange
6 Identity Consolidation
7 Cleanse the Temple
8 Peace with Heaven
9 Healing of Trauma
10 Listening Prayer for Dreams
11 The Children's Garden
12 Listening Prayer Journal
13 The Theophostic Breakthrough
Crafted Prayers from HealMyLife.com:
1. Put it on the Altar
2. Job Interview Prayer
3. Prayer of Protection
4. Listen to God Life-style
5. Faith of the Heart
6. How to pray for difficult people
7. How to pray in a personal crisis
8. How to pray for physical Healing
9. Healing of trauma and PTSD
10. Deliverance from Curses
11. How to break Curses
12. Spiritual Warfare
13. Partner on a Pedestal
14. Release Expectations,
15. Cut Umbilical Cords (soul ties)
George as a therapist
As a therapist, it’s my greatest joy to help people experience inner healing.
George is a therapist who will focus on permanent deep healing of your issues, hangups and emotional traumas. He will focus on getting to the root and core of problems. (Using Depth-oriented Brief Therapy)
Yes, I bring a Christian perspective, a loving attitude and respect for people. I provide you with faith-based therapy that is non-judgmental.
I have been successful in providing clients with sessions where they are listened to and understood and where they feel that they and their beliefs have been respected.
The in depth therapy process I use is a proprietary blend of Coherence Therapy, Memory Reconsolidation and the Listening Prayer process (Payne, Regier and Smith). The process can be applied effectively with or without the Christian prayer therapy component.
You will find that George's therapy sessions are 'no judgement zones' where love, playfulness, acceptance, curiosity and empathy are present.
Just to be clear a 'Christian perspective' does not at all imply lack of education, ongoing professional development or supervised experience.
Along with a Master's degree in individual and marriage counselling from University of Calgary George has over 40 years of clinical experience. Additional professional development includes: training in Transactional Analysis, Reality Therapy, personality assessment, John and Paula Sandford's material and Ed Smith's listening prayer approach to emotional healing.
George is skilled and experienced at the professional level in the use of listening prayer to achieve life transformation. This is a very effective method of dealing with core beliefs lodged in previous experience and emotional memories.
George's recent professional development includes an externship in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy from Sue Johnson and a workshop from Les Greenberg on emotionally focused therapy of anxiety and depression.
Depth-oriented Brief Therapy (also called Coherence Therapy) was first outlined by Bruce Ecker and Laurel Hulley in Depth-Oriented Brief Therapy (1996). Their goal was to make every session so effective that life changes were obtained in a brief therapy time frame. Book-link: Depth Oriented Brief Therapy. George received an externship training with Bruce Ecker in Coherence Therapy in 2017 in New York.
Your emotional health, your transformed life and your enhanced relationship is important to me and my goal in working with you. The tools I use, you can learn to use as well. These can continue your emotional healing and even equip you to work with your children.
May we all be radiant.
How can I control my emotions? And how can I gain emotional intelligence?
To control your emotions, don’t try to control your emotions. Such a willful emotional shut down is not a healthy way to control your emotions. It has bad side-effects. It comes at too great of a cost.
instead of direct shut-down use methods to gain self-control that are gentler and more indirect. Here are some examples:
Writing. Everyday write something about the emotions of the day. This gives you increasing understanding of your emotions. It gives you a way to express your emotions that can lead to greater self-control. It can relieve the pressure of having all those emotional issues circulating in your mind.
Feeling. Set aside a few hours to diary each and all of the feelings that you can get in touch with. Do one at a time. Write down then allow yourself a minute to feel the full intensity of this emotion. Takes some deep breathes and release that feeling. Then repeat with each feeling that surfaces as you give time for each and every feeling to surface.
Memory. Set aside some time with a journal or diary and go through your list of feelings one at a time. Take time to recall the earliest memory associated with this feeling. Write down the memory and the feelings associated with it. This help you connect your feelings with your experiences.
Emotional Intelligence. Follow the above exercises and you will be more in command of your emotions. You will be calmer, understand yourself and likely better able to connect with others. At one level that is emotional intelligence.
Would you forgive someone who cheated on you? That question draws out several different observations.
3. Choosing to forgive on a mental level is something you can do. You choose to lay down your ways of getting revenge and choose to want the best for someone - consciously.
4. However, that still leaves another question. Can you forgive someone from your heart just by choosing to do so? No you cannot. Our will and conscious mind cannot overrule our heart (emotional brain.)
Forgiveness of the heart comes with time or with deep healing or as a gift of God. We cannot do that on our own. This may explain the value of good psychotherapy.
By the way, another step is forgiving yourself for allowing this. That is another story.
With Christian Listening prayer Therapy the emotional and core belief components of the memory can be rapidly transformed by the hearing of God's word, the factual memory remains intact. Historical facts remain the same, while emotional facts are significantly changed. Now that we have the key to transforming core beliefs we have the right tool for healing the heart and changing people's life.
The benefit of healing memories, including traumatic memories, is that the strongholds for any evil spirit are now broken. Now the devil has no foothold. Deliverance from any associated spirit - hatred, fear, etc. - is now extremely easy, simple and without any struggle. That is why I started to call this 'Gentle Deliverance.'
So, if this emotional memory and associated core belief, and others like it, had became a home to a demonic power or presence then when the memory is healed it is completely exposed and vulnerable. We identify this presence after the healing of the memory on the test phase. We go back to the memory to check and see that all is clear. In this case it isn't clear. My client reports, 'There is still a lot of Hate, Fear, Jealousy etc. remaining in the memory.
In the next step in the process I ask the client if they would like to invite in the life of Jesus to replace the feeling they named. (I may not say it is demonic. We are just calling it a feeling at this point.)
When the client invites in the life of Jesus to replace the spirit they usually find the lingering feeling is gone. This is always successful in achieving complete deliverance from that spirit.
The procedure is quick, clean and without trauma. There is no battle with demons, no naming of demons and no resulting confusion and exhaustion. By not naming and invoking evil in an emotional battle, one avoids the spiritual oppression that can result from such invocations.
Inner healing as Gateway to Deliverance - Gentle Deliverance:
The two ministers involved in deliverance ministry attended an intensive deliverance through inner healing retreat and were impressed with how effective this process is. Their report on Christian Inner healing and deliverance intensive work is here.
It was like I lived in a fog when I was young. That is how weak my sense of self was. A strong inner force worked below the surface. It tried to connect with God for the love and life I so much needed. See: