People Pleasers and Codependents
How are doormats or people pleasers different from codependents?
They have two different primary motivations. At a deep level, the primary need of the people pleaser is love. The primary need of the codependent is order.
The people pleaser sacrifices authentic identity in order to gain love or approval.
The codependent sacrifices one’s own needs for care to care for others.
The people pleaser undermines marriage by not being present as an authentic self.
The codependent undermines marriage by being too involved with helping those in need outside of the family.
About EMDR Therapy
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma.
EMDR therapy forces the emotional brain’s information processing system to move toward mental health. Memories normally locked to change become unblocked with bilateral input - left right eye movements, tapping, sounds, etc. Once the memory is unlocked then healing can occur as the emotional brain finds ways to core beliefs rooted in other emotional experiences that contradict the trauma Experience. In faith-based EMDR, God's voice may be the source of new truth and new experience.
Outcome Studies on EMDR Therapy
More than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy. Some of the studies show that 85% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after three 90-minute sessions.
Another study found that 77% of multiple trauma victims and 100% of the single-trauma victims were no longer diagnosed with PTSD after 6 sessions. Which supports another study that found that 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions,
Recognition of EMDR Therapy
There has been so much research on EMDR therapy that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization and the US Department of Defence. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR therapy would be effective in treating the “everyday” memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy.
In summary it is and fast and effective way of making changes to emotional-based problems that are normally resistant to talk therapy. I make use of EMDR - the essentials protocol in conjunction with Christian listening prayer therapy and other modalities as described here as Peak Psychotherapy.
A testimony: '...Now I know that I can take ownership of my healing/treatment/life. Before, I felt like something was wrong with me and the way I handled my pain. Now I realize that I was using those outlets to heal; I no longer feel like I am copping out when I go to a protective mode.
I have had six EMDR sessions and have to say that for the first time, I feel in control of my life. I feel like I have a voice. Prior to EMDR, I was paralyzed with fear and anxiety. Now, I am free to live for the first time! I could have remained in traditional therapy for the rest of my life and never reached this state of understanding. Wish I had started treatment 30 years ago! http://www.staffordcommunitycounseling.com/emdr-testimonials/'
It was like I lived in a fog when I was young. That is how weak my sense of self was. A strong inner force worked below the surface. It tried to connect with God for the love and life I so much needed. See:
Report of marriage therapy with a narcissist.
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Links to Life Transformation Group:
George HartwellAnna Wolanczyk Psychotherapy Blog
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Anna Wolanczyk registered psychotherapist by Skype, in Mississauga, Toronto, Ontario
George Hartwell registered psychotherapist and Christian counsellor in Mississauga, Toronto by Skype or phone or in person
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