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9/9/2018 Comments

People Pleasing Compared with Dependent Personality

Is people-pleasing part of dependent personality disorder? I am going to look at a definition of the Dependent Personality and add comments as to the People Pleaser.
The dependent personality:
  • Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others. To some extent, the People Pleaser will have difficulty in making decisions but not to the same extent as the dependent personality.
  • Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life. This is not a primary characteristic of the People Pleaser.
  • Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. This is true of the People Pleaser.
  • Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy). This is not a primary characteristic of the People Pleaser.
  • Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from othersto the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant. This is not a primary characteristic of the People Pleaser.
  • Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself, This is not a primary characteristic of the People Pleaser.
  • Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends. The People Pleaser seeks another relationship as a source of love not so much care and support.
  • Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself. The People Pleaser is not so much afraid of taking care of himself or herself and being rejected and without love.
In general, the motivation of the Dependent Personality is different than the People Pleaser and focuses on being taken care of another who makes the decisions. The People Pleaser does not need to be taken care of nor are they unable to make their own decisions but to assure them that they are doing right and are loved.
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    It was like I lived in a fog when I was young. That is how weak my sense of self was. A strong inner force worked below the surface. It tried to connect with God for the love and life I so much needed. See:
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